Confession and Imperfect Contrition

As most of you know, I stopped smoking when I started dating George. As a pediatrician, you can imagine that it didn't go over well. And, as many of you also suspected, I started up again after we broke up.

Since then I've gone back and forth between a couple a day to a full-blown pack-a-day habit. Yes, I know it sucks. I know I should quit. What can I say? Those ex-smokers out there know the crappy justifications we use(d) not to quit.

Well, I finally had enough. (again) My last smoke was Friday evening. I'm past the three-day hump and things are starting to even out again. At this point, I honestly think I've got a good chance of not slipping back anytime soon.

Anyway, I've felt really bad about this. I was really embarrassed about starting again, so I've done a half-assed attempt to hide it. It sucks how easy it is for me to slip back into the mode of hiding. And as hard as it is for me to climb out of my shell as an extremely introverted person, hiding a regular part of my life has taken its toll. The other day someone told me that they were glad that I moved to Houston because I seemed more like myself than ever and it just killed me knowing how I wasn't living up to that. I'm glad I've got friends in my life that, purposefully or not, hold up that mirror. I need that fresh air of honesty now and again.

So, to end this on a good note: since nobody really knew I started smoking again (at least nobody in Houston), I had to have something that would keep me from picking up right away. So, cheesy excuse or not, I bought myself a new little toy. The deal was that if I got the toy, I couldn't smoke anymore. Even though it was inanimate, it was still something to continuously remind me of my goal.

I'm now an X-Box nerd again.