Yeah!

It's snowing in Houston!

(of course the ground is too warm so nothing will stick, but it's still snow!)

Updates

Ok, here are a couple of posts--just keep reading until you hit old stuff...

Getting back to Normal

Life has pretty much gotten back to normal. (whatever that is) I’ve just been keeping myself busy, trying to catch up on what I think I missed out on for 6 months this year. It’s all self-imposed stuff, but that means I haven’t taken any time to put much up on the blog. I haven’t really been doing much that’s blog-worthy. (e.g. stuff that wouldn’t bore the crap out of you)

Health Stuff

Ok, I’ll keep this short. I wouldn’t keep posting about this stuff, but people ask.

I had my most recent follow-up last week and my cancer markers still look good. My oncologist seems to still be happy with things. I’m scheduled for more blood work and CT scans sometime in Jan/Feb.

I’ve been getting lots of compliments on the hair. It’s still fairly short, a slightly darker shade of brown and really soft. (and, perhaps a bit thinner) I’m not sure if people are commenting on it because it actually looks good or if it’s just because they were accustomed to seeing me bald. Or it could just be that people don’t know how to express “I’m glad you’re not sick and maybe even dying.”

In any case, I’m probably going to keep it like this for a while.

Traveling

In the last month, I’ve made two trips to Oklahoma with a total of over 2,500 miles driven. I also flew to Indiana for an extended weekend. I’m really glad I’ve had the opportunity to get in some travel and see some people I haven’t seen for a while. (even if I’m really starting to hate that drive to Oklahoma) It will be nice to be at home for the weekend.

But that only lasts for a little while. Soon the Christmas travel begins. Again, I love to travel, but it’s been a lot of driving lately and that gets kinda old.

Car

Ok, I’ve got to make a decision soon. I started to crave the Altima Coupe again. I was at the Nissan dealership the other day to get a faulty sensor replaced and I took the opportunity to get a close look at the ‘09 model. I even took a couple for a test drive. That V6 is damn fun to drive: 270 horses and the new continuously-variable transmission. That means that you can just put your foot down—it puts the RPM’s at 4K and keeps it there until you let off the gas.

I’m going to either buy this thing or forget about it. I’m giving myself until the end of next weekend to make a decision. Either way, at that point it’s done.

That Festive Time of Year

I want to tell a little story. Bear with me here a bit.

When I first started my chemo treatments, my doctors wanted me to check into the hospital for the first week to make sure I was able to tolerate all the meds. Luckily, my system seemed to handle them very well. Actually, I felt really good for that first week. That means that I was bored as hell sitting in that tiny little hospital room.

So it didn’t take me long to talk the nurses into letting me leave the floor whenever I wanted—as long as I was back in time for treatments. On the third day—with IV in tow—I headed up to the pediatric floor of MD Anderson. They have a heck of a nice setup there. A full kitchen and dining area so parents can cook familiar meals for their kids. Computers with Internet access. A two-story gym with all sorts of toys. A “craft” room. They even have a classroom where kids can keep up with their schoolwork.

After playing catch with a little 4 year-old boy, I met Shannon. (not her real name) She was the cutest 12 year-old girl you’ve ever met. Tall and thin with the signature baby-smooth bald head that left no question as to whether she was a patient or guest. She had a type of bone cancer and she and her mom had temporarily moved from out of state for treatment. She recently had her right tibia (shin bone) removed and replaced with one from a cadaver. At the time, she was in the middle of yet another round of chemo.

But, like a lot of kids in that situation, she was tough. After talking to her a bit, I could tell that she knew exactly what was going on. She knew things were going to be rough for a while. She even seemed to have processed the idea that her situation might not have a positive outcome. But instead of shrinking into a well of self-pity (as she had every right to—her doctors were starting to think that her body wasn’t accepting the new bone and that they would need to try the surgery again) she was up and doing crafts with her mom and helping to plan how to juggle the rest of the family’s schedule.

And Shannon was independent. When she wanted something to drink, she got up and got it herself. That may not sound like much, but realize that she was on crutches with a big IV pole to drag around. That was an impressive balancing act.

While her mom was in the kitchen area cooking some dinner, we were talking and she said that she really missed playing dominoes. As well-stocked as that floor was, there were no dominoes to be found. So, while Shannon and her mom ate some dinner, I snuck out and found the last box hiding in the back of a gift shop.

You should have seen her face light up when I walked back in with that box. We spent the next couple of hours playing dominoes with her mom. I finally had to leave to start my treatments, but for those couple of hours it seemed like it took a little of the burden off her mind. Maybe that’s just what I wanted to see. But if I was able to put a smile on her face and help her have a few laughs with her mom, that seems like a well-spent effort.

The Child’s Play banner is back up. You know what to do.

Yep, that seems about right

Ok, so I promise that this blog will migrate away from my health-related, depressing posts very, very soon...

I read this article in the NY Times yesterday. Apparently the FDA is investigating if the drug I take for my Crohn's (and other drugs in that class) causes a higher rate of cancer among younger patients.

I'd never given much thought as to what caused my cancer. In general, the medical community doesn't know what causes it. There are a couple of lifestyle factors that they believe can contribute (being overweight and a sedentary lifestyle), but other than that they have no idea.

I can't say that I didn't give a little thought to my Remicade possibly being a factor. But it's the only thing I've found that keeps my fistulas in check.

Anyway, I'm not sure how I feel about this. What's done is done. Maybe it was a factor, maybe not. But unless something else comes along, I'll be on this drug for a long time yet. I guess it's time to start aggressively searching for alternative treatments.

Boring...

I feel bad because I haven't put anything up for a while. Unfortunately there hasn't been anything too interesting that's happened over the last couple of weeks. Let's see what un-interesting things I can dig up... (hey, I'm sitting at MD Anderson and it's about 2 hours until my next test, so I need *something* to do)

- I'm feeling pretty much back to normal. I'd say 90% or so. Now I just need a way to deal with all the fatigue I've had for the past couple of years. I think I've got a possible solution, but I'll wait to blog about that until I can confirm it.

- I've been spending a lot more time with friends here in Houston. It's one of the things that I promised myself that I'd do. It's been cool, but makes for a heck of a schedule some days.

- I've got at least 4 trips (possibly 5) scheduled before the end of the year and not a single one of them are really planned yet. I need to get on that. But that also means if I haven't said something, I probably won't be by to see you this year. Sorry folks. (or "congratulations"--depending on how you see it...)

- I learned that if you don't play Rock Band for a long time, your hand hurts like heck when you try.

- I finally got the breakdown from my insurance company, so I can start the house repairs. One of the cool things is that they are paying to have my house completely re-roofed. I only lost 1/30th of the shingles, but they are paying to have the whole thing redone. W00t! (that makes for a good selling point)

Yeah, that's not much. Like I said, the fatigue really sucks and slows-down any progress I'd like to be making during the week.

But, like I've said before, if that's my biggest gripe then life just can't be too bad.

Quick Weekend Update

Not much going on this weekend. I still need to get a lot of my strength and endurance back. But I can't say that I've reached too hard for that goal over the last couple of days--I've spent quite a bit of it on the couch catching up on the TV and movies I've missed over the last month or so.

Not Your Typical Halloween Basket

It's nice to finally be able to put this basket 'o meds away. This was my side-effect-management stash.


Getting in the Spirit of the Holidays

Friday night, I did step out with some friends for a cool little thing put on by our local NPR radio station.

Sitting on an open-air theater with the skyscrapers of downtown Houston as a backdrop, they showed the silent film 'Nosferatu' with live music accompaniment by an Austin band. It was definitely cool.

Probably. Maybe. We mostly think so.

Ok, so here's the slightly more detailed version of the previous post...

They *think* I'm cancer-free. Up until this point, I've been a textbook case of testicular cancer. My blood work, treatment and recovery has been exactly as the doctors have learned to expect after successfully treating thousands of cases of my cancer.

Where I diverged from being a typical case is my AFP count. If you remember, that's the protein they use to diagnose how much cancer is in my system.

In a typical adult, there is 0 to 5 ng/mL of AFP found. When I started all of this, my count was just under 1,000. But ever since round 2 of chemo, it's been floating around 10 ng/mL.

Normally this indicates that there is still some active cancer left. However, since that number hasn't moved during the last two rounds of chemo and the biopsy from surgery showed that the thing they removed from my lymph node was a mature teratoma (most likely benign), my oncologist believes that the slightly elevated AFP is normal for me. (much like someone who naturally has low blood pressure or has a normal internal body temperature lower than 98.6)

There is also a slight chance that my Crohn's is causing the extra AFP to be produced. It's been shown that Colitis (a very similar condition) can cause this.

So, the end result is this: they are pretty sure I'm cured. But the AFP number means that I don't have a 100% diagnosis. They will be re-testing my blood and giving me CT scans every few months for the next couple of years to make sure. (which was the plan in any case) If the AFP continues not to rise, we'll know that's normal for me.

Achievement

(details to follow)

Latest Ike Update

Well, I got power back on Monday. So, Tuesday, Dad and I headed back to the house. It's nice to start getting back to normal. I'm currently working from home--waiting on the insurance adjuster to show up and give me an idea of what it will cost to get the house back to 100%.

Healing from the surgery is taking a lot longer than I'd hoped. I'm up and around, but still slow, weak and don't have much energy. I think I lost about 10-15 pounds and it shows. I'll get it back, but it'll take a while. At least things are headed in the right direction.

Right now I'm focused on getting life back on track. The house really needs to be cleaned and I've got a completely empty fridge that needs to be restocked. And as slow as I am right now, this is going to take a while...

BTW: I find out next week the results of the biopsy during the surgery. Depending on what exactly was attached to that lymph node they took out, I could be done or I could be in for another round of chemo. (or some third option I'm not aware of) I'll post whenever I hear the results.

Ike & Stuff

Thanks to everyone for the phone calls and emails.

I'm finally starting to do better. I can eat again, so that's a heck of a relief. Now I just have to build my strength back up. It's going to take a little while.

Dad and I headed down to Houston the other day to see what shape the house was in. I was missing some shingles and have some water damage inside the house, but it's not too bad. I'm missing a lot of my fence and stuff like that, but it's all workable.

Since there's still no power, I'm back in OK recovering with the folks. Sounds like it won't be until about this weekend that I *might* have power. So, it's just some sitting around here until then.

But, all is going well. I'm finally back on the mend. Hope everyone is well.

Surgery: Aftermath

Sorry for the no blogging, folks. It's been a crazy week or two.

Surgery went really well. The surgeon almost seemed a bit surprised how well it went. My recovery in-hospital went well, too. It was a little easier than I'd expected.

However, the real fun began when I got out. My folks came down (thanks) and we decided it was best to get out of Ike's way. So I'm in Oklahoma. However, I can't seem to eat anything. Anything I eat comes right back up. So I'm really weak and I can't concentrate. I'm sure it will all come back, but it's rough right now...

Stupid Twitter

Twitter now requires authentication for their RSS feeds. (for reasons I just don't get) And the Blogger engine doesn't seem to understand URL's with authentication in them.

So, for those of you that have no idea what I just said: the "Chemo Twitter" is gone from the right. Twitter made a change that broke that functionality. I can probably get it working again, but I just don't have the time to sit down and figure it out.

So, I'll try to post something here on the blog after surgery to let everyone know how it went. But I don't know when that will be. So, assume the best even if you don't see anything posted Wednesday night or Thursday morning.

Surgery

Ok, so I found out yesterday that my surgery will be next Wednesday (3-Sep). The surgery is called a "retroperitoneal lymph node dissection". (try busting that one out during dinner--everyone will think you're a genius)

For those that are curious, there's a good article here that explains what will be going on in layman's terms. Just one note and a warning: one of the unexplained terms is "orchiectomy"--that's the first surgery I had. The warning is that while the article isn't too gruesome, it does mention a couple of possible long-term effects from the surgery that talk about the functioning of "guy parts"--parental discretion advised.

I can't make any guarantees, but I'll try to post something to the Twitter (at the right of the blog) to let everyone know I've survived and how I'm progressing over the first few days after surgery. (If you're as nerdy as I am, I think you can sign-up with Twitter and have my updates SMS'd to your phone. I love the Internets.)

I'm really hoping to be in the hospital for less than a week and back to work a week after that, but I don't know if that's realistic. Right now, I'm just looking forward to getting this part of my treatment done and over with. Actually, I've been in a really good mood since this got scheduled.

Best evar

Ok, why don't I get *these* "Get Well" cards?

Ominous

This is what I woke up to this morning:



Anybody that knows Houston realizes that this is a big 'ol storm. No worries tho, they are saying that we'll get a few inches of rain and some decent wind, but that should be it.

Latest Update

Ok, so on Friday I got all my blood work and CT scans redone. Today I met with the doc. It was just about exactly what I expected.

My cancer markers didn't move any during round 4 of chemo. Remembering that I started at well over 900, my current level of 8.9 doesn't seem like much. (they want to get it below 5)

And the CT scan didn't change any either. That means that surgery is next. The doc said that he'd set up a meeting with the surgeon "in a few weeks". I took that to mean that he's happy with my progress and that there's no rush towards surgery. He even went so far as to say that I'm "breezing through this".

So, even though surgery is going to kinda suck, it sounds like I'm on the right track.

Drain: I realize how this timing looks like it's going to work out. No worries man--I'm scheduling cancer around you, man. There's no way I'm missing your big day.

Help

...need new music. The stuff I've got is getting really old.

What do you recommend? (artists as well as specific albums would be helpful)

I'll listen to almost anything good.

Updates

Ok, sorry folks. Believe it or not, but it's been fairly busy around here. Let's see if I can catch you up...

Chemo: Round 4
As expected, round 4 was much easier than round 3. Mostly. I was able to work through most of this round. That made things a lot less stressful.

That's with the exception of last week. For some reason, the nausea finally set in. I didn't hardly eat for 4 days. Finally, after going back to MD Anderson, they gave me this magic anti-nausea shit that worked almost instantly.

Now I'm back to work, and since round 4 is officially done, I'm heading towards recovery. I re-do all of my tests this Friday and get the results Monday afternoon. I'm expecting that we schedule my surgery then.

Get Off My Lawn!
Dangit. My lawn was doing so well. But then a cascade timeline of me continuously being sick and nobody here to help me keep it watered means that my lawn is toast once again. You just can't let this stuff slide in Houston during June/July.

My lawn guys say that plenty of fertilizer and water will bring it back to life, but I have my doubts. I guess time will tell. Until then, I'm going out every morning to give it at least an hour's worth of watering.

Weekend Relaxation
A couple I know has a family lake house up on Lake Travis (near Austin). I got the invite to head up the other weekend.

Holy crap. This place was a mansion. It had to be at least 8,000 sq ft. It had its own pool that overlooked the lake. It had a cabana house that was almost as large as my last apartment. This was literally the nicest place I've ever stayed.

Even the pictures don't do it justice. I'd post a couple here, but it doesn't seem cool to post pictures of someone else's place. Next time you see me, just ask.

I didn't want to leave.

Luxury Items
I splurged and bought a couple of luxury items last week. I know that I don't need either of them--so no lectures. These fall under the category of "just wanted."

First is the iPhone. I had to stand in line for about an hour at the Apple Store, but apparently that's one of shorter wait times around.

I love this thing. It is without a doubt the "coolest" electronic gadget I've owned. It's slick, shiny and works like a champ. Now if I could only find an Apple enthusiast to call me back and help me on a couple of items. (cough)Adam(cough)

The second is a new coffee maker. Every time I go to Europe, everyone has these nifty one-touch coffee makers. Set down your mug, press a button or two and out comes a steaming cup 'o joe. That's just so damn cool.

After some research, I found out that there are a couple of halfway decent ones to be had in the states for less than a king's ransom. So I invested in the Keurig.

Now, before the coffee purists start throwing things at me, let me say a couple of things:
1) The French Press isn't going anywhere. When I need the best, it will still be handy.
2) Yes, it's more expensive per cup than drip or French Press--that's why I called it a "luxury item".

But the Keurig makes some pretty darn good coffee. The little coffee packets come from good places: Timothy's, Caribou, Diedrich, Green Mountain, et al. I can't get this good of coffee anywhere this far south.

Now I can just walk in the kitchen, press a button and have a really good cup in less than 30 seconds.

Round 4: Freedom

Yeah, I really didn't blog anything about round 4. That's because it's really boring and repetitive. (I guess I should get some new content out then...)

I'm back home and doing well. The 3 weeks of recovery since round 3 really made a difference. I feel good enough that I plan to head back into the office tomorrow.

I'll let you know when I get test results and stuff, but that won't be for another couple of weeks.

Round 4: Day 2

It was good to see everyone that could make it last weekend. To everyone else--expect a visit at sometime in the future. (although it may be a little while...)

I got checked-in yesterday and got my first infusion of chemo. This should be a little easier of a schedule. This time they start my infusions at 2PM instead of 11PM like last time. (that means fewer beeping IV machines and people in my room in the middle of the night)

It's been the same usual stuff so far. I've just been crashing in my room and staying glued to the laptop. I'll probably get bored of that in the next day or two and venture out. Maybe I can go keep the kids entertained like last time. (dangit--should have brought the mullet wig)

Here I Go Again

Yesterday, my 3-week "waiting period" was up. I went back in for blood tests and my cancer markers didn't move. That means round 4 starts on Monday. The doctor wasn't really surprised. He reiterated that when I originally checked-in I was really borderline between needing 3 and 4 rounds of chemo.

Just to make things easier, I'm going in-patient for the first 5 days. Yeah, it sucks to have an IV in 24/7, but it's easier than making that drive twice a day. (that was like 2-2.5 hours of rush-hour traffic every day)

And it sounds like in about 6-8 weeks or so, I'll have the surgery to remove the damaged lymph node(s). I learned why my doc isn't especially excited about me having that surgery--it's really invasive. They've done it a million times and I guess it's not technically complicated. But what they need to get to is behind a bunch of other stuff, so they've got to open me up and take some stuff out to get back there. Fun stuff.

And after that, I *should* be done. I'm starting to see an endpoint somewhere out there in the future.

How Friggin' Cool Am I?

(props to Bump for pointing this out)

Why are Americans so fat?

Why not?

Two Names You Go By? Boone and The Boone

Two things you are wearing right now? Jeans and a t-shirt

Two of your favorite things? (excluding people) Lappy and iPod

Two things you want very badly at the moment? The cancer to be
gone and a new car

Two favorite pets you have or had? Trog and Buddy (childhood dog)

Two people you hope will fill this out? Whoever is left that
hasn’t done this.

Two things you did last night? Went out for pizza and beer with the
guys and didn’t get enough sleep

Two things you ate last night? Pizza and really good pizza

Two people you last talked to? (two people from the office)

Two things you are doing tomorrow? Going to a friend’s anniversary party and trying to plan 2 future trips

Two of the farthest trips taken in the last 5 years? Stavanger,
Norway (farthest by hours) and Amsterdam, The Netherlands (farthest geographically)

Two favorite beverages? About any good lowland scotch whiskey
and an ice-cold coke in a glass bottle

Not Quite Yet

Well, I got the results today and they weren't quite what I was hoping for.

My AFP count dropped from 10 to just 8.6. So the plan is to wait 3 more weeks and test it again to see what happens. If it continues to go down, that might be about it. If it starts going back up, I'll need to do round 4.

When I started this process, I was really borderline between needing 3 and 4 rounds of chemo. I guess this means I was closer to needing 4.

And it looks like I'll probably need surgery to remove that lymph node. But that's not going to happen until all of the rest of this gets fixed.

So it looks like this will be part of my life for a little while longer. Oh well. Give me a day or so to feel sorry for myself and I'll be back to my normal, upbeat self. I'm just a bit disappointed right now.

Waiting

So, I'm in the hospital again tonight. This time it's to do all of my follow-up tests.

Right now I'm in a waiting room with about 50 other people. I've got my 64 oz. of barium contrast I've got to drink over the next hour or so. And then it's time to change into the all-popular hospital gown and get one more IV. Then more waiting.

After this, I've still got to go home and find some way not to think about the hours slowly ticking away towards tomorrow afternoon when I get all the results.

I'm nervous.

Believe it or not, this is the first time I've really been nervous through this entire process. For me, everything hinges on these results. Did the last 9 weeks of suffering do the trick? Did it work or is there more yet to go? Is it over or just getting started?

The rational part of my brain says that there's no reason to believe that I'm going to get anything other than good news. But there's that part--the little devil on my shoulder--that reminds me that nothing is certain. There are no guarantees.

Scared and alone. Yeah, that about covers it.

Milestones

Just a short update...

Today I'm celebrating two milestones:
1) As of this morning, I'm completely done with all treatment. Yeah, my last chemo was on Friday, but I had to get 3 days of Neupogen shots to raise my white blood count. Now that's finally over.

2) Today is the first day since the start of round 3 that I'm been completely pain-free. I don't think it was the chemo causing all the pain--rather the chemo and its side-effects that let my Crohn's run wild for a while. It's really nice not to be in pain.

Anyway, I go in Wednesday afternoon for all of my follow-up tests and see the doc on Thursday afternoon to get the final verdict.

Not Cancer-Related (sort of)

In general, I'm a very practical guy. My day-to-day activities and decisions are usually very measured, cautious and sensible.

That philosophy extends to the larger decisions in my life. When I bought a house, it was a standard 3-2-2 in a quiet neighborhood in the suburbs. When I bought a car, it was a reliable sedan.

Obviously, over the past year or so, I've been questioning how happy I've been with some of those decisions. Yes, they've made for a comfortable, safe life. But they are really boring.

Lately, I've been obsessing over my car. Now, don't get me wrong here--I love my car. It's in great shape, low miles, runs like a champ and has been paid-off for a while now. There's not a single thing wrong with it.

That is, other than the fact that it's a beige sedan. Why in the hell do I drive a beige sedan? Do I have kids to haul around? Am I that damn boring?

Ever since I saw this on the lot, I can't get it out of my head:


Shiny. Oh my, so shiny.

Isn't this what I should be driving?

I know all the arguments against this. Materialism is bad. (but isn't that why I work so hard?) There's nothing wrong with your current car--why another car payment? Don't buy new--it looses [x]% of value when you drive it off the lot.

But I just can't help myself.

So, the question is this: how much of a post-cancer mid-life crisis am I allowed? Is a 5-year car note too much? (yeah, I know the answers I'll get to this... i'm not stupid)

Follow-Up

Ok, finally doing better. That one was seriously un-fun couple of weeks.

But now it looks like it's over. I've got one more 15-minute chemo infusion on Friday, but those are usually "easy". After that, I'll get bloodwork in a couple of weeks that should show my cancer markers as undetectible.

And for the next couple of years, I'll need CT scans and more bloodwork every few months to make sure this thing stays dead. My doctors seem very confident that everything will be fine.

So, what now? They say it will take about 2 months for me to get back to 100% normal. I can believe it. "Normal" is quite a ways off from where I am right now and while I can feel progress every day, it's very, very slow.

I really appreciate everyone's support during this. It's definately made a difference. It's so much easier to go through something if you know you've got people on your side. I know it's made me appreciate the people in my life so much more.

EDIT: Oops, I guess I repeated some info from the last post. Sorry--I forget what I've already blogged about. There's just not much new information when I spend 22 hours a day sitting on my butt.

Suck

I finally found out why chemo sucks. Man, round 3 has been rough. This is like day 10 and I think it's the first time I've felt anywhere near half normal. (and by "normal", I mean that I can actually get off the couch of my own free will without much pain)

I've got to admit that I've never felt this physically broken before. Everything is a challenge. Even eating a bowl of soup is enough to take the wind out of me and usually requires a 15-minute breather afterwards.

But my recovery is going as well as can be expected. I saw my PA on Friday and she was very pleased with my progress. So, it's all good--just a lot harder than before.

I've got one last chemo infusion next Friday and that should be it. The PA says that it will take me a couple of months to get back to 100%, but she seems very confident that I'll make a full recovery. Just lots of blood work and CT scans over the next couple of years to make sure this sucker is gone.

Yet more good news

As I mentioned before, the primary way they are tracking my cancer is via my AFP marker count.

When I checked into the hospital, it was 923. After round 1 it was down to 108. As of Wednesday, it's 10!

Yeah, it's not quite 0 yet, but that's what round 3 is for. (I'm in the waiting room--ready to start it at any minute)

Ready for this to be over...

I start round 3 on Friday. This needs to be done with so I can get back to my life. I'm tired of sitting on the couch all day because I don't have the energy to do anything else. I'm tired of sleeping half of the day and then not being able to sleep at night. I'm tired of my brain not working. I guess I'm just a bit frustrated.

3 more weeks. Just 3 more weeks.

Boring

It looks like the "rough" part of round 2 is over. I'm starting what's considered the recovery phase and just have a couple of small chemo infusions before starting round 3 in a couple of weeks.

I've finally got just enough energy and brain power back to be self-sufficient once more. I gave the folks the nod and they headed back home yesterday morning. Now it's a waiting/resting game once again.

Sorry for the lack of posts. The folks did a really good job of keeping me just busy enough to keep me off the couch 24/7 (that's a good thing), but that meant that at the end of the day, I just didn't have the energy to punch out a post.

But I can't say that there's anything going on. This is actually really boring. Oh, I could go on and on about all of the little side effects and all that crap, but it's just not interesting. And I can't bitch about stuff like loosing my sense of taste. They are curing me of cancer. Complaining about little side effects would be asinine. I'm thankful they're fixing me--I'll gladly shut up about the rest.

This would be the perfect opportunity for me to plan my world domination or something equally impressive--one of those things I'd always said that I'd do if I juts had enough time off. But I just don't have the brain power or energy.

So I guess it's back to taking it relatively easy. The big agenda item for today is having brunch with a bunch of the guys. That will have to suffice for the moment.

Round 2: Day 4

I'm halfway through day 4 of 5 of the "heavy" part of round 2. These 5 days look like this:

Wake up at 5 to be on the road at 6

Get to the hospital to check in at 7:15

Get assigned to my mini-room and get the IV and pre-meds started

Start 4 hours of chemo

Sleep during chemo

Start fluids

Escape room and lame room service for hospital cafeteria

Maybe sleep more

Leave just in time to hit horrible rush-hour traffic

Repetitive. But it could be much more worse.

The fatigue has really started to set in. Yesterday I think I slept something like 16 hours. Today I've got a little more energy, but not a lot.

I'm starting to think this is what chemo will be for me: just lots of IV's and fatigue. (and fighting off other side effects--mostly with success)

I don't know what else to say. I'm still around. I'm still kicking. I will not be broken. I'll just endure and walk out of this on the other side.

Out.

Round 2: Day 2

Sorry I haven't been blogging much. But this has turned into a bit of a routine, and *has* to be boring from an outside perspective. Good days, bad days and visits to the hospital. That's pretty much my life.

Right now, I'm sitting in the hospital. I've been plugged into an IV since about 8 AM and will be getting out around 5:30. I did that yesterday. And I'll do it tomorrow. And the day after, the day after that and the day after that. 5 days of this in total.

Honestly, I'm a little bored. Cory and Steph sent me an awesome stack of books. (thanks you two) But this part of chemo gives me the brain fog, so it's hard to concentrate on reading. (especially really good stuff like they sent me, so I don't want to "zombie" my way through them--they will be much more useful soon)

Mostly, I'm just a bit restless. Nothing bad--just not sure what to do. 90% of my life and activities revolve around my brain in some fashion. So when that's temporarily taken away, it confuses me as to what I should be doing. Yes Mark, I know what you'd probably suggest. And if I've got 3 more days of this, I might just have to... But only temporarily.

But I'm doing fine so far. The meds they are giving me seem to do a really good job of holding back the more unpleasant side effects. So, I've really go no room to bitch. I mean, I've got f'in *cancer* and I'm bitching about being bored. Boo hoo. Poor me. :)

Ready for some good news?

The primary way they are tracking the progress and success of my chemo treatments is via the Alpha-Feto Protein (AFP) markers in my blood.

In adults, the normal AFP levels are between 0 and 5. When I checked into the hospital on 4-Apr, mine was 923.

As of yesterday, it's down to 108!

Honestly, I'm not sure if that's a normal drop or not, but I can't see it being anything other than good.

Round 1: Done!

Yesterday I got my last infusion of chemo for this first round. The next round starts in a week. Looks like that will be 12-14 hours sitting in the hospital with a giant IV. But at least this time I'll get to head home and sleep there.

The last couple of days have been pure misery punctuated by a few hours of feeling decent. I've been up since 3 AM feeling like someone punched me in the stomach. About half an hour ago it finally started to pass. With any luck, I'll be up off the couch in a while. Until then, I've been making my way through season 5 of the X-Files.

At least the hour or two I felt well, I got to go to dinner with some of the guys here in town. It was nice to get out a bit and sit in a friendly social situation. I'm pretty sure that will happen less and less for a while.

...and Round 1 goes to me

This morning I get the last infusion for this round of chemo. Then I get about another week to recover before starting round 2.

They're going to take blood again and I get to meet with the PA for the doc overseeing my treatment. With any luck, they will test for my cancer markers and I'll get to see what, if any, movement there has been. Although I can't imagine that it would change in any way that would alter my treatment plan, it would be nice to see *some* kind of positive direction.

And tonight, if I feel up to it, some of the guys are taking me out to dinner to celebrate the fact that I'm still up and kicking. Life just ain't too bad.

What Now?

It's a quiet house again. For the past week or so, my parents as well as my brother and his wife have been staying here. It's been incredibly nice to have them here to help me out.

Against everyone's expectations, I tolerated the first round of chemo well. Everyone (including myself) assumed that I'd be more or less bed-ridden well before now. But so far, I'm still on my feet. Any kind of activity takes the breath from me and I still feel really stupid, but I'm self-sufficient for right now.

So everyone headed home for a while. It's time to get a little rest in anticipation of the next round. (that starts in a little under 2 weeks) I think that's when it will start getting a little rough. (but, obviously, I'm no good at prediciting such)

So, the question is: what now? I've got the better portion of 2 weeks before they hit me hard again. I'm on short-term disability from work, and I don't think I'd be any use if I tried to go back. (just paying bills this morning wore me down a bit--not to mention that my head is still foggy)

Don't worry--this isn't a plea for help or anything of the sort. It's just a very, very, very strange feeling to be at home this much. Not going to work after 11 years is taking some real adjustment. I'm sure I'll manage.

But I do realize that I haven't been doing my job of educating everyone on what's happening... (you know I get a kick out of that) So, here's some quick info:

Not all chemo is the same. Chemotherapy is the term for a type of drug that kills particular cells. Technically, the drugs they give me for treatment of Crohn's is chemo.

The treatment they've found that works best for testicular cancer is what they call "BEP". That's a combo of 3 drugs: Bleomycin, Etoposide and Cisplatin (platinum). Each does their own little thing.

The schedule they are administering it to me is as follows:

Day 1-5: All 3 drugs

Day 8: Bleomycin

Day 15: Bleomycin

On day 22, it starts over. (3 weeks per "round") This Friday is day 15, so I'm heading back to the hospital for the morning. I'm doing a total of 3 of these "rounds" for a total of 9 weeks of treatment.

Almost 2 weeks

Sorry I've been a bit out of touch, folks. My parents are here and my brother and his wife came into town to help take care of me. It's been quite the circus around here.

So far, chemo hasn't been what any of us expected to. Other than feeling very weak and moderately sick to my stomach most of the time, I feel really good. Nobody (including me) knew what to expect, but so far it's been much easier on me than anyone imagined.

Now, I've got no illusions that this is just temporary and that it's going to get really hard. But, at least for the moment, I'm able to relax a little and enjoy not feeling too bad.

Home

Finally got out. Don't get me wrong--MD Anderson is a great place to be. But I was definately ready to get home.

I'm exhaused like I haven't been in years. I'm really looking forward to some relaxation--laying on the couch and such.

Jerm & Andia: Thanks for the goodies! It will absolutely come in handy starting right about now. But now I've got to get tested for Avian Flu... ;)

Day 4: Almost ready to get out

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I still felt fine, so I grabbed my IV pole and headed over to the pediatrics wing for the afternoon. I got to spend a few hours playing with some of the kids and their parents. It was very cool.

Last night wasn't so fun. Chemo started at 11 PM as usual, but the IV in my arm stopped giving a good blood return at about 2 AM, so they had to come up and put in a new one. That meant not much sleep last night. And as nice as the people are here, there is no such thing as more than 1 hour or uninterrupted sleep. There's always someone coming in to check on me or give me more information.

Anyway, I'm still up and kicking. At this point, I'm really looking forward to going home tomorrow morning. T-21 hours...

Day 2 (or 3) Update

I'm not sure if this is considered by second or third day here since my infusions start at 11 PM... Anyway, I've had my second infusion of chemo. The only side-effect I seem to have noticed is what I think is "chemo-brain".

Even more than the fatigue and nausea, this is the side effect I've feared the most. I acutally considered not doing chemo because of this side-effect. (that was until I heard how much my blood markers had increased)

But, no worries, I'll find a way around this one. It isn't bad yet, but my brain definately seems a bit "foggy". Maybe it's something else, but I don't think so.

In any case, my day has been good. I spent the last couple of hours sitting outside--enjoying the perfect Houston weather and returning phone calls. (the only reason I'm inside is because the IV battery only lasts a few hours)

My view while sitting outside

Day 1 : Overview

The view from my window

Well, I'm thought my first chemo treatment. Luckily, it turned-out to be a non-event from the standpoint of side-effects. I'm not sure how they managed that. Maybe it's because chemo has a cumulative effect, so there's not enough in my system to tell yet. Or maybe they are just that good at managing symptoms.

My IV pump at the beginning of the night

But I know this, I've never had this many drugs pumped into me at one time. Since we started at 11 PM last night, they've added at least 9 bags of meds into my IV. (they even had to add a third IV pump) So, I'm attached to a *huge* tangle of wires.

So, I think it's time for breakfast. I just ordered a banana, some yogurt, scrambled eggs, canadian bacon (low-fat alternative to bacon) and some apple juice. (but if I wanted, I could just as easily have ordered strawberries with Fruit Loops, a Belgian waffle with whipped cream and a made-to-order omelet--this place is awesome)

Maybe?

Ok, I'm going to give this a bit of a try... Over at the right, you'll see a new part called "Chemo Twitter". I'm not sure if this is anything I'll keep up with or anything you're interested in, but I thought it would be something to try. (if you don't know Twitter--just think of it as posted text messages. Not big blog posts, but quick thoughts of what's happening right then)

Starting a new phase of my life

Starting today, my life is going to change for a while. I saw the doctor yesterday and the cancer is being agressive. But I'm still considered a low-risk patient and they have given me excellent odds for beating this thing.

But, to beat it, I need to start chemotherapy immediately. So I'm currently waiting for my room in the Admissions office of MD Anderson. I'll be here for the next 5 days so they can monitor me closely and make sure I don't have any adverse reactions.

After that, I will continue my 9-week chemo treatment from home. Fortunately, my parents are coming down and are able to move in with me for a while.

I'm still not really sure what to expect. I've done some reading and talked to several people. However, I still don't really have a good idea of how I'm going to be feeling during all of this.

So, basically I'm saying that if you don't hear much for a while, don't assume anything bad--I'm probably just feeling sick and don't have the energy to blog.

I'm sure I'll be perfectly fine after this. Chemo is just the price I have to pay for that health.

I'd like to say yet another huge thanks to everyone for their support. Everyone I've talked to have been extremely supporting. That's made this process easier to handle.

Talk to you soon.

Next Update

Well, I'm 4 days past surgery and I've recovered much faster than anyone expected. The dreaded "day after" turned-out not to be a big deal. Yeah, I was a little slow, but was on my feet all day. The second day after surgery I was barely taking any pain meds. Yesterday was pain med-free. Today I have a barely-discernible limp. (barely)

The only way I can explain recovery that fast is that either:
1) The doctors at MD Anderson are incredible
2) I'm the man

I'll let you make your own determination. ;)

My next appointments are next Thursday and Friday. They want to look to see how the cancer markers in my blood have changed after surgery. That will help them determine the next steps.

I would like to send out another big thanks to everyone for the phone calls, text messages, well-wishes and gifts. You folks have been indispensable in keeping my spirits high. I can't even begin to tell you what it means to me.

Loved

A big thanks goes out to the Bloyds for the great care package! You two are the greatest.

Update

Well, surgery went as well as can be expected. Today was mostly a game of waiting. The fam and I got to the hospital at 7:45 AM and didn't leave until just before 5 PM. It all went just like I expected. An hour after waking, I was walking out of the hospital.

So far, the post-op pain has been very manageable. I'm walking a bit strange and very slowly, but doing well. I'm told that tomorrow (a.k.a. "the day after") will be the most painful/uncomfortable. I think it will be workable. (with help, of course, from good pain meds)

The crappy part is this: yesterday I had a CT scan to make sure the cancer hadn't spread. Apparently it has. It looks like a decent-sized tumor has appeared near my kidneys.

This means more doctors and chemo. The good news is that my doc still seems very optimistic that with chemo, my chances are still very, very good for a full recovery.

So, again, the long-term prognosis is still positive. But it sounds like getting there won't be fun.

Sorry to be a bit of a downer. (I'll be back to my overly-optimistic self in a day or two) I wish I had different news, but that's what is going on. Anyway, I really appreciate all the support from everyone. It's good to know everyone's thinking of me.

Sometimes it sucks to always be right

Part of the MD Anderson Campus

I spent yesterday at MD Anderson. All yesterday. I arrived at 8:30 AM and didn't leave until after 4 PM. During that time, I saw at least 4 doctors and about half a dozen nurses and technicians of some sort.

There's a reason for the reputation this hospital has. It's clear that this place is the best at what they do. For example:

• My oncologist wanted blood tests and another ultrasound. Within 15 minutes, I was scheduled for both with a printed "appointment calendar" and directions on how to get to the various departments. By the time I had the tests and a quick lunch in the cafeteria, the oncologist had the test results.


• I can't tell you how many times I heard the phrase "don't worry--you're at MD Anderson" said with complete conviction.


• I know it's anecdotal, but a doctor I don't know actually talked to me in the elevator. In my experience, doctors avoid conversations with patients they don't know like the plague. (wouldn't you? you have enough to do without hearing other's patient's problems--that's why they have their own doctors) To me, it was just another example of the patient-centered culture.


• On my way out the door, I filled-out paperwork to sign-up for their online patient-management site. Before I got out of the parking garage, I already had an email confirming my login information.


• Within 10 minutes of walking out, they had already scheduled me for half a dozen follow-up appointments on Monday.

As everyone knows, I've seen enough doctors and hospitals to know what I'm talking about. These people are damn good. Really damn good.

Of course, they confirmed that I do have cancer. I'm scheduled for surgery on Tuesday. But no worries--apparently the surgery is so simple and relatively risk-free that they aren't even going to keep me overnight. Just wake me up and kick me out with a prescription for pain meds.

Part of my schedule on Monday is to get a CT scan so they can look to make sure it hasn't spread. (I've got no reason to think it has)

So, I'll be in for surgery some time Tuesday and be back home Tuesday night. Easy stuff. One of the doctors actually told me "nobody likes to get cancer--but if you do, this is the one to get". There's no reason at all to think this will be part of my life for much longer.

I really appreciate all the well-wishes and phone calls. There's not much anything better in life than knowing people care.

So, rather than leaving this on a crappy note, I'd like to take a second and identify a few good things that will come from this:

• This reinforced that I must get a job working in a hospital. You wouldn't believe the "pull" I feel. And I may have even found the hospital.


• This serves as a not-so-gentle poke in the arm to remind me to focus more on the "important" things in my life and spend a little less time on the useles and mundane.


• I gotta move out of the "burbs". A little time in that part of town reminds me that there are all sorts of cool people in Houston. I've just got to leave the SUV-infested suburbs.

Like you needed reasons...

Action

I like smart people. I like to hear what they've said. So, for several years now, I've kept a couple of books near at hand. Of course, one of them is Bartlett's Familiar Quotations. I've also used Respectfully Quoted to help me put thoughts into words when I feel too ineloquent to do it myself.

A month or two ago, I added a third book to this collection: Geary's Guide to the World's Great Aphorists. I really like it.

I read one yesterday that has echoes of a thought I've been having for a few weeks now:

"Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him."

-- Aldous Huxley

Rather than talking about the reactive nature of this quote (which deserves more attention), I'm more drawn to the proactive side--creating those experiences.

I have plans. I've heard many of my friend's plans. Everyone has plans.

What I don't have nearly enough of is action.

I can plan like you've never seen. I can whip out a categorized, prioritized, hierarchy-based, multi-tiered plan for tackling any goal or target. And, all too often, that's where it dies a slow, dust-covered death.

But what I badly need to do is learn how to action.

The only goals I've reached in life are the ones I've actively done things towards. Actually reaching the goal often has no relation to how detailed of a plan I'd created. The accomplishment was instead a reflection of the actual work I put into it.

A perfect example of that is the cut-off back of a shirt that I have framed and hanging in my office. It's from my first solo in a plane. It represents the work I put into accomplishing that. But, for that great accomplishment, I had no plan. Late one weeknight, I decided that I wanted to learn to fly. I got in my car, drove to the airport, bought all my supplies and signed-up for the ground school. Zero planning. 100% action.

I know this is a very simple idea. It's nothing new and nothing insightful. But I see the "planning pitfall" in myself and those around me.

So, you'll be hearing less about my "plans" on this blog and more about my "actions". I don't want to spend my life planning and not having experiences.

(and now that I've got myself sufficiently worked-up, it's time for some tea)



This is a cup of real Ceylon tea--hand delivered to me directly from Sri Lanka. (sometimes my life is so good, I can hardly believe it)

Here I go again

Warning: This post might be a bit depressing and is borderline TMI.

The other day I alluded to a little medical test that had me worried. Apparently this was one of the times I was justified in my worries.

After a couple of uncomfortable visits to a specialist and that ultrasound, I have two urologists that think I have Testicular Cancer.

I have an appointment next Friday at MD Anderson Cancer Center (probably the best cancer hosptial in the US) with an oncologist that specializes in this.

From what little I know now, the long-term prognosis is very, very good. If caught early, the survival rate is nearly 100%. And there is a slight possiblity that this isn't even cancer.

The downside is that the end result of this game is most likely surgery to remove the offending body part. (I don't know a more gentle way to say it) It's simple surgery and I should be in and out of the hospital in a couple of days.

The good news is that once this is done, I'll most likely live a perfectly normal life. (or at least what qualifies as "normal" in my strange little world)

Sorry if this is more than you wanted to know. But I've always tried to be as honest as possible about what's happening in my life on the blog. That means you get the good and the bad.

Anyway, I'm doing fine. It's been a kinda rough week--trying to deal with this news. But I've about come to terms with it and I'm sure the good-natured joking will start very, very soon. (hey, if I can't have a sense of humor then why the hell bother?)

So, any questions? (you know me--don't ask a question you don't want an answer to...)

Ok, has this jumped the shark yet?

I tried not to repeat movies. (much) I also had to avoid movies that several people reading this blog would instantly recgonize any line of...

1. Pick 15 10 of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly in the comments, and put who correctly identified the film.
5. NO Googling or using IMDb search functions.


1. "I remember every detail. The Germans wore gray, you wore blue" --Casablanca (Jerm)

2. “You don't hold elected office in this town. You run it because people think you do. They stop thinking it you stop running it.”
" --Miller's Crossing (Drain)

3. “I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend.” --The Shawshank Redemption (Mark)

4. “If you can't fix it, Jack, you gotta stand it.”

5. “Dry martini. Wait... three measures of Gordon's; one of vodka; half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it over ice, and add a thin slice of lemon peel." --Casino Royale (Cory)

6. “I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?” --Stand By Me (Angie)

7. “Oh, make no mistake. It's not revenge he's after. It's a reckoning.” --Tombstone (Angie)

8. “There is a clause in the contract which specifically states any systematized transmission indicating a possible intelligent origin must be investigated.” --Alien (Jerm)

9. “But it didn't fall. You caught it. The fact that you prevented it from happening doesn’t change the fact that it was going to happen.”
 --Minority Report (Jerm)

10. “28 days... 6 hours... 42 minutes... 12 seconds. That... is when the world... will end.” --Donnie Darko (James)

1,128.2

Ok, that was a long weekend. I'm glad I got to see everyone I did and apologize to those I didn't. I need to just schedule a week to do that again.

I really liked to see Kaia--even if only for a few hours. She's even more cute in person. I didn't get to bring back any pictures, but that's because she was sleeping on my chest most of the time. (and that's perfectly fine with me)

Updates

Yeah, not too much exciting going on around here--just some little stuff:

8 weeks
It's now been something like 8 weeks with no cable TV. And I can confidently say that I don't plan to go back anytime soon. The first week or two was a little tough. (especially since I spent the better portion of the first week on the couch 24/7 with that nasty toothache)

But since then, I haven't missed it a bit. No commercials. No incessant noise of poorly-written sitcoms. No more talking heads. A small part of the continuous noise of my electronically-controlled life has been silenced.

Now I just buy Lost (and sometimes The Daily Show) on the iTV and download/buy whatever else I want to watch.

Battlestar
One of the things I have done is download the entire BG series and am now totally caught-up. Frackin' hell, that's a good show. And in a couple of months, it starts again. I can't wait.

Fat
Ok, so something has happened in the last 6 months or so. I'm not exactly sure what process has changed, but I'm very quickly getting fat. I have to weigh-in whenever I go to the hospital to get my meds and I weighed more this time than I ever have. It physically disgusted me.

So, I'm officially on a diet. Nothing too restrictive--mostly just eating a lot more "good" stuff and cutting out most of the fats and almost all carbs. It's just been since this Saturday, but I'm already feeling the physical/mental effects of treating my body better.

Now I just need to figure out how to incorporate the other half of the equation--exercise. When I was younger, I used to really enjoy exercise. How can I get that desire back?

Damnit, Jim. I'm a doctor, not a psychiatrist!
I guess I have good and bad "medical years". Last year was pretty good. This year isn't starting off too well.

I had that dang toothache/root canal first thing. (and a cavity fill last week) Then yesterday, I got a call from my Gastero's office saying my bloodwork showed that I'm anemic and have to take prescription iron. Finally, before work on Friday, I'm going into the hospital for a quick ultrasound of a suspicious lump.

The doctor says it's probably not anything serious, so I've been trying really hard not to worry. But I can't stop thinking about the big C. I guess that's the curse of knowing just enough about medicine to know what it *could* be, but not enough to know better.

Kaia--Wahoo!
I finally get to meet Kaia this weekend. I can't tell you how excited I am. I finally get to see how cute she is in person.

I'll see if I can get some good pics. (and, of course, mom & dad's permission to post them)

But, with all the kids friends and family have had lately, I've spent way more time in Babies 'R Us than any single man should. ;)

Amsterdam, and Back Home

Phew, that was a long last couple of days. Whenever I travel internationally, I have a hard time relating times. For instance, I consider "last night" to be the night I spent wandering around Amsterdam. But, in reality, that was about 32 hours ago.


Schiphol Airport

Anyway, Amsterdam was a blast. I'm not sure I've partied that hard in recent memory. There's something about the Red Light District that makes you do things you wouldn't normally do. (And no, I didn't get any pictures of the Red Light District--that's a *big* no-no. But I'm sure you could find some if you looked.)


View from Hotel

I'm not sure what else to say. A quick stop in The Netherlands is exactly what I needed after the last two weeks of hard work. I can't say it was "relaxing", but it's very hard for me to unwind and forget about my responsibilities. (damn type A personality) So, it's very good for me when it does happen.


Coffee and a Pasty--my ideal breakfast

This morning was actually a little relaxing. I had an early-afternoon flight, so I enjoyed a quiet breakfast--watching the morning commute in town.


Greenland

The flight back was uneventful except for a little sight-seeing. We got some beautiful views of the western shores of Scotland and (because of the great circle) some gorgeous scenery over Greenland.

Homeward Bound

After working a full Saturday at the office, it's Sunday morning and I'm enjoying a leisurely coffee in the hotel lobby. Work in Norway is done, and it's a relaxing feeling to know there's nothing between me and home other than some fun.

I've got to pack and head to Amsterdam this afternoon. After an overnight stay there, I'm back on a plane headed home. I'm looking forward to getting back to the states.

But since I won't be spending next week in Scotland, that probably means I'll be heading there sometime next month.

Norway: Week 2

Sorry for the lack of updates--there's just not much to say. I'm in the middle of my second week here and I still don't know if I'm coming home this weekend or spending next week in Scotland.

My days here have become incredibly routine. Wake up, go to work, go back to the hotel, eat dinner, read/surf web, go to bed.

I feel really guilty about this schedule. I'm in a foreign country, damnit. I *should* be doing/seeing things. I just don't know what to do/see. I've seen the "coolest" part of Stavanger. I've eaten all kinds of unusual food. I saw the fjords. I've visited the quiet little neighborhoods. I listened to live music and drank the beer. What's left?

Am I letting the inner introvert blind me to things I should be doing, or is there just not that much to do?

In any case, I've got a couple of more days here and then on to the next thing.

Norway: Landed

Well, that made for a very short weekend, but a comfortable trip. I left work a bit late Friday, went home and packed. I woke up Saturday, loaded the car and headed to the airport. The I landed in Norway "Sunday" afternoon. Traveling east steals time.

Schiphol Airport, Amsterdam

Lines at Houston Intercontinental were virtually non-existant for some reason. And the flight to Schiphol was only about 80% full, so I got a couple of seats to myself and was able to stretch-out a bit and get some sleep. The last hop to Norway was gravy--I just kicked-back and watched some Battlestar Galactica I brought with. (I gotta ration those--I only have 3 episodes left on the DVD)

It's been a very quiet day. It's Sunday in Stavanger, and the city is shut down. For lunch, I had to walk 15 minutes into downtown and fast food was the only thing open. (when I asked the lady at the check-in counter about somewhere to eat, she gave me a strange look and said "it's Sunday, I don't think anything's open")

Empty Hotel

The hotel I'm staying in is absolutely empty. There's a lounge and bar, but I've been through 3 times and haven't seen a soul. I even grabbed the lappy and headed down for a while, but after sitting in an empty hotel lobby for about an hour, I got a bit creeped-out and headed back up to my room.

Well, it's 7:45 PM here (that's 12:45 PM for most of you) and I have no idea if I'll get any sleep tonight. I'm getting much better at dealing with jet lag, but the first day is always rough.

Geek

77% Geek

Yeah, that's about right.

January Update

First, my upcoming trip: I'm booked and set for another 2 weeks in Norway. It's been hectic around here trying to get everything ready for the trip on such short notice. I haven't had a chance to decide what I want to do the full weekend I'm there. But I managed to get an overnight stay in Amsterdam on the way back, so I'm really looking forward to that--last time was a blast.

Now, on to the topic of hand: what the hell did I do this month?

At the first of the year, rather than do the usual year-long goal setting that usually only gets about a quarter done and just serves to haunt me, I decided to make it more of a monthly/weekly thing.

January's goal was to simplify my life. Everyone knows that I lead a relatively simple life to start with, so that was probably just the wrong way to word it. Really, it was to remove obstacles in my personal life. If there are things I want to get done this year (and in the rest of my life), I need to remove from my life the things getting in my way. Loose the things I don't need/want to do.

My time is valuable to me. A good book suggested that I quantify it. How valuable is my time? It makes answering questions like "doing x will save me 2 hours a week--is it worth it?" easier to answer. I found a little calculator online that gave me a number. Yeah, it's probably bogus since nobody pays me for my off-time, but it's somewhere to start.

What I actually got around to was a bit modest. Loosing a quarter of the month to a toothache didn't help. And most of the changes were small and wouldn't interest most people here on the bloop. (and some of them seem a bit *too* anal--even for me) But two of them will surely get you all calling me a giant nerd:

1) I call her Rosie. Adam turned me on to this bit of simplicity. For less than 1/2 the price of a new one, I was able to stop vacuuming. I just push a button and Rosie cleans up the floors in the entire house and then re-docks herself to charge. It's just that little bit less cleaning that I have to do every week. She'll pay for herself in less than a year.

2) This was a little harder to do. I gave up cable TV.

Several times every week, I'd turn on the TV and, not having anything good on the DVR, I'd flip through the channels and find something I wasn't that interested in, but I'd watch it anyway. Then I'd realize that I'd wasted the entire night watching crap I didn't even like that much. So, after several conversations with Adam trying to decide on the best solution, I replaced the cable box with an Apple TV. Now, with a click of the remote, I've got all my music / playlists / podcasts / pictures instantly. And I can subscribe to a couple of TV shows I really want to watch through iTunes.

So, I don't feel guilty for wasting time watching crap on TV and I'll be actually saving money in a few months.

I also think I figured out why I don't get more reading done. I put in a very small change, and that made a world of difference. I think I've read more this month than I have for the previous six.

So, the steps I've taken have been small, but they seem to be making a real impact on my life already. More than anything, I'm sure it's because I'm more consciously aware of what I'm doing, but I feel more focused and ready to tackle things than ever.

Winter, here I come!

I just got the word that I'm heading to Norway this weekend for another 2-week stint. This "last-minute" travel always stresses me a bit since I'm the type that likes to plan for a week or two at least before a big trip. But it's cool. It should be a good time and I plan to see/do more than last time now that I know how it works over there.

P.S. Sorry, Kaia--looks like my visit to see you is getting put on hold a bit. But, don't worry, I'll be up to say "hi" as soon as I can.

The Plague

Man, what a long weekend.  I woke up this early Saturday morning with a massive toothache.  I spent all weekend sucking down Tylenol, Aleve and anything else I could think that would dull the pain.

Then, Sunday afternoon, while I was starting to contemplate getting out the Black and Decker and seeing if I could fix things myself, I got the chills and nausea.

So, the end-result is that I've got an abscessed tooth that will need a root canal once I get enough antibiotics running through my veins.  The Vicodin have taken care of most all the pain.  But I apparently have come down with the flu thing that's been making its way around.

But in-between taking handfuls of meds and praying to the porcelain gods, I'm in strangely high spirits.  Who knows how these things work?

Winter

In contrast to last weekend when I was sitting outside, enjoying the sun and relaxing, today's weather was winter.  43 degrees outside with a biting wind that makes me wish I'd brought my coat with me.  It's been wet and raining since 6 AM.  It's the perfect weather to sit at the coffee shop and get some reading done.

7 Degrees of Separation

I've been informed that I need to let everyone in on 7 things about me they don't already know.  But, as you're painfully aware, I am sometimes prone to divulging a little more than necessary on my blog.  So, this might take a little creativity and some reaching...

1. 90% of the time, I am utterly and completely disappointed with myself.  (might as well start out big)  I don't say this as a plea for sympathy.  I don't even view it as a negative.  While it's probably not the healthiest way to go about it, this is what drives my motivation.  It's why I'm always striving to do more--be better.  I'm afraid that if I ever stopped and looked around that I would wither and die.

"The lust for comfort murders the passion of the soul, and then walks grinning in the funeral."

2. As the antithesis to #1, I love my life. A while ago, I learned how not to be negative. Overnight (it seemed) the world was a better place. I don't know how or why, but I can't imagine being that bitter ever again.

3. My childhood best friend was accidentally shot and killed many years ago.  Even though I don't believe in God and an afterlife, I still talk to him every once in a while.  And any time I'm in that part of the country, I always make a secret detour to the visit his grave so I can sit and talk to him in person.  (and I still cry every time)

4. Before I got sick in Tulsa, I was a Hospice volunteer. It was one of the most fulfilling things I ever did.

5. I still think about the first guy I ever fell in love with. I'd still give up everything I have to be with him. (and I haven't seen or spoken to him in about a decade)

6. I didn't learn how to tie my shoes until like the second grade. (or maybe before then--I don't remember, but it took me forever)

7. I enjoy reading everyone else's posts. (sorry, I couldn't come up with a 7th)

Yeah, sorry 'bout that

And as a little tease to everyone living north of Houston...

When I went for breakfast this morning, I noticed how damn nice it was outside. So, around 10 AM, I grabbed a chair and sat outside and read for a couple of hours. Perfect weather--about 70 degrees, not a cloud to be seen and a slight breeze to keep me cool. I even managed to get a little sunburn on my pasty-white chest.

Weekend Recap

I don't think I mentioned this on the blog yet, but I got the HD-DVD player for the 360 as a Christmas gift. Very cool, but kinda sucks since the last couple of weeks have indicated that HD DVD is on its way out. But, while I have it, I've been enjoying NetFlix's HD DVD selection. In the last 2 weeks, I've managed to watch:

• Transformers (Kinda cool, kinda sucked--don't try to bring the funny if that's the best your writers can do. And the plot holes were big enough to drive Optimus Prime through.)


• AvP (Micah has been bugging me to watch this. It made a good mindless action flick)


• Knocked Up (Not bad, but not worth the hype.)


• Constatine (Unexpectedly kick-ass little flick--bought it off Amazon after watching)


• Brokeback Mountain (Cheap find on eBay. Damn, that's a gorgeous movie in HD)

In-between movie watching and reconfiguring my finances after the credit card problem, I've been trying to focus on my '08 goals--especially my overall focus of January: simplify. I need to remove the day-to-day and week-to-week obstacles to me getting what I want.

Towards that goal, I've unplugged the DVR and will be turning off my cable next week. There's hardly ever anything on that I want to watch. And when I do find something I kinda want to watch, I almost always wish I'd spent that time doing something else. The few shows I really want to watch (Lost, House) I can download off the Internet an hour after they are broadcast. And with the Media Center PC hooked-up to the TV, I don't think I'll miss cable. (and I'll have an extra $50 every month in my pocket)

But I've never been very good at focusing on anything for very long. That means that month-long goals are easily forgotten and replaced by those day-to-day obstacles I'm trying to remove. So I found a little tool to remind me and help me keep track of how I'm doing.

It's a little 3x5 card I found the template for and customized it with my own goals. I have a new one each week and I can even "keep score" on the back. But the real motivation is that it fits in my back pocket. So, several times a day, I'm reminded of my goals and what I do/don't want to accomplish.

And, on this one, you can see that I've filled in a couple of bubbles for today. (Saturday) That reflects one small change in mindset I made this year. I consider the week to start on Saturday--not Monday. All of my calendars have been updated to reflect this.

That means (even if subconsciously) I percieve Saturday and Sunday as the launching-pad for the week. I set goals and have 2 full days away from work to get as much done as I want. That seems to be more healthy than looking at the weekend as the end of the week and the "last chance" to get something done that you've put off the first part of the week.

Shout Out

I wanted to give a quick shout out to the fuckers that stole my credit card number. I hope that shopping spree over the holidays were fun. Sounds like Visa is being cool and picking up the tab for that.

But if you screwed with my airline miles account, I'll be coming for you...

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

I promise that posts with actual content are coming very soon. Until then, I wanted to share this. If this isn't the strangest thing you've seen this week, I want to know what the hell you've been smoking.

One more chance to get it right

Ok, here's the obligatory 2007/2008 post...  First, thanks to the good folks in the bloop that have breathed a little life back in the group.

The holidays were good.  I was able to insulate myself a bit from the overwhelming consumerist side of Christmas, so I was able to enjoy it more without the little devil on my shoulder whispering defeatist ideas into my ear.

I took a little over a week off from work and headed up to Oklahoma to hang with the folks for a couple of days and then we all drove up to Branson to spend a few days with my half-brother and his family.

It was good and I enjoyed myself a little more than I thought I would.  (having to interact with a dozen people 24/7 for 3 days is very tough mentally for me)

Unfortunately, because of the weather, I didn't get to see hardly any of you good folks.  Damn shame.  I'll make up for it this year somehow.

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Not surprisingly, 2007 didn't end the way I had planned it to.  That's both good and bad.

The last half of 2007 brought some real, significant changes to how I look at the world.  I slowly started to realize the full extent of how I'm not actively involved in my own life.  I started to consciously notice how much I had let the day-to-day mundane activities had taken-over.  And I noticed how my job had changed from something I enjoyed to just being another player in the rat-race.  Things had to change.

Halfway through the year, by most people's measurements, I had it made in my career.  I was the supervisor of an international team of developers.  I had been tapped by my boss to take his job when he moves up this year.

But I was miserable.  Fucking miserable.  I'm sure you remember some of the posts.  So I took a leap and told my boss to demote me.  Rather than chance loosing me (his words), he literally invented a new position for me.  It's my dream job.

Now I enjoy work more than ever before.  I get to work on things I think are important.  And I finally have more balance between work and non-work.  (I know all of you have heard this before, but it's part of the narrative here...)

I've made some real changes in other areas as well, but I'll save those stories for later.  I'll just leave it to say that I'm starting to get a taste for living my life on my own terms and it's the best I've felt in years.

So now comes for the time to talk about resolutions for the year.  But I'm changing it up a bit this time.  Rather than producing a laundry-list of giant goals that I have to stare at taunting me from the refrigerator door, I'm trying something that should make things more manageable.

Rather than looking at the whole year--which is too long of a time for me to plan goals for--I'm planning by week.  52 chances to set goals.  If I don't get to one, no big deal--I've got 51 more chances to do better.

I'm planning to share most of these as they go.  I've got the first few goals roughly sketched-out and I'll go into them soon.  But the recurring theme for the first of the year is "simplify".  It's time to take those things that take up my valuable time and either eliminate them or find another way to do them.